Light & Dark

The wave hit me Sunday morning.

Have you ever woke up and started a day and -- for no reason you can articulate or even reason out -- just wanted to throw in the towel, give up, and quit?  I had no reason for feeling that way yesterday morning.  I've been in a good groove lately.  But as I sat in church waiting on it to start -- alone -- I felt that way yesterday.

This is the time of year that seems to reach out and grab me, throw me under, and drown me.  It's not quite that bad, but I first experienced it a couple of years ago and then I experienced a fuller force of it during the holiday season in 2015.

This is 2016, and the first wave hit yesterday morning.

Some friends weighed in to help right away.  And Curt T's advice over the last two months is also real for this situation.  So this year, supported by friends and counselor, I will resist the darkness; and I will consciously embrace light during this holiday season.  Eugene Peterson puts it this way:

Be up and awake to what God is doing!  He is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when you first believed.  You can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours.  Get out of bed and get dressed!  Dress yourself in Christ, and be up and about! 

Romans 13:11-14 (The Message).

Nathan's homily came out of that passage yesterday.  Cast off the darkness, and put on the light.  Make no mistake -- God is at work in you, near you, around you.  And Jesus even said, "You are the light of the world!"

The poor, dusty 30-year old Palestinian without a home, or even a bed, grabs me by the shoulder, turns my face to his, and says, "Tim, you are the light of the world."  Not "you reflect the light of the world," but you "are" the light of the world.

Let's shine then.  In the bathroom upstairs, I keep a reminder on the shelf from Mother Teresa:

If you are joyful, it will shine in your eyes and in your look, in your conversation, and in your contentment.  You will not be able to hide it because joy overflows.

Part of the trick here is believing it when I feel like the winter darkness itself.  I'm the light of the world, Jesus, really?

To remind myself during this Advent, I'm going to add one light per day (each day I'm home) to the decorations of Christmas.  By one light per day, I largely mean outside lights -- like one net per day over bushes or one LED rope light per day.  Light.  To remind me that the maker of all things not only announced that he was the light of the world, but he told us before the Beatitudes that "you are the light of the world."  Really.

Let me try to let that sink in this Advent.